Monday, March 14, 2011

Random Thoughts' Monday: When change is looming ahead...

I'm afraid to jinx myself but I just have to tell you all that this week has started well! After the nightmare weeks I've been having lately, just this one day going as planned was a balm to the ragged soul!

Sometimes I wonder about all the things I have on my plate. I'm a mum, a wife, a homemaker, a university student, a writer, a darn social butterfly who needs her social contact fix everyday. That 'looks' like too much, but strangely, I function this way and cannot think of operating differently. Today was the deadline for the first assignment of this semester. Guess I've told you all (over and over again!) that this is supposed to be my last semester at uni, with a final module left for me to tackle. In a way, it felt weird for me to whip out my phone and check the calendar, and not see big blocks of days marked in red as Assignment-whatever-number-for-whatever-module. I have just 2 dates listed this time around, and even more weird is the idea that after May (hopefully! Let's pray I do pass the exam!) there won't be any more blocks of dates for Assignment-whatever-number-for-whatever-module. For the past 8.5 years - give or take a 1.5 year break in there when I hit some health snags - I've functioned and powered on as a university student mainly. Everything in my life got organised in and around exam and around Assignment-whatever-number-for-whatever-module dates. How will I get used to this facet of life changing drastically?

In a way, I know it's a positive change. Like, for example, at the start of 2011, for the first time in 9-10 years, since I stepped on my own two feet independently of my father's wallet reach, I was able to think of something else but 'this money is going towards this set of fees and that set of textbooks'. That felt totally strange. It was like I was giving myself permission to do as I wished with my money but this felt so odd I had to second-guess myself time and again.

Sometimes, you're wired one way, and then when change happens, whether inevitable in the course of things, or unexpected, you have to change your very outlook. And that can be scary, you know... Take away the familiar and you're left with a void. Like me with my clear schedule of blocked days for Assignment-whatever-number-for-whatever-module post April 2011. What will I fit my time with...?

One thing's for sure - definitely not more studies! I just recently realised (yeah, call me daft!) that I've been studying for every single year ever since I stepped into a kindergarten at 4. That would make 24 years of continuous study. I value education most definitely, but hey, that's enough of studying! I need to start living too.

The problem? What exactly is living...?

You tell me...

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

8 comments:

Chicki said...

We all get to a point where we have to decide what's most important in our lives. Life is fleeting, believe me. It goes by in a flash then you look up one day and say, "Where did the years go?" My mother used to tell me that, and I didn't believe her. Now I understand.

Do the things that give you joy while you can!

Lynn Spangler said...

Zee,

I agree with Chicki.

Life is too short to not go for the golden ring, whatever that may be for you. Enjoy the things that make you happy.

Penelope said...

For me, it's finding a balance of time spent between who I love and what I love.
Learning never ends, and you don't need a classroom and due dates to do it.
A mind that loves to learn will never stop studying - but without the schedules and stress...imagine the possibilities.

Zee Monodee said...

Chicki,

I never believed in the 'where did the years go?' statement until recently when I saw my son growing up. Suddenly he was this hulking little lad and not at all the baby I remember. :) It all goes by in a flash, too quickly.

The things that give me joy... I'll have to pause and think about that. Right now, sloth is a fave of mine but we can't live life like that, innit? *grin*

Hugs!

Zee Monodee said...

Lynn,

The golden ring indeed. It's up to is to find happiness in everything, right?

Hugs!!

Zee Monodee said...

Penelope,

That balance is indeed a vital thing. And true - real learning happens every day, all the time. You just don't get an exam for it at the end of the semester/year. Imagine the possibilities indeed...

Thanks, lady! Hugs

Viviane Brentanos said...

Living is looking forward to each new day. When you have lost that, it's time to reasses

Zee Monodee said...

Viviane,

How very well said!

Thank goodness I haven't lost that yet *grins*

Thanks & big hugs

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