Monday, March 14, 2011
Random Thoughts' Monday: When change is looming ahead...
Sometimes I wonder about all the things I have on my plate. I'm a mum, a wife, a homemaker, a university student, a writer, a darn social butterfly who needs her social contact fix everyday. That 'looks' like too much, but strangely, I function this way and cannot think of operating differently. Today was the deadline for the first assignment of this semester. Guess I've told you all (over and over again!) that this is supposed to be my last semester at uni, with a final module left for me to tackle. In a way, it felt weird for me to whip out my phone and check the calendar, and not see big blocks of days marked in red as Assignment-whatever-number-for-whatever-module. I have just 2 dates listed this time around, and even more weird is the idea that after May (hopefully! Let's pray I do pass the exam!) there won't be any more blocks of dates for Assignment-whatever-number-for-whatever-module. For the past 8.5 years - give or take a 1.5 year break in there when I hit some health snags - I've functioned and powered on as a university student mainly. Everything in my life got organised in and around exam and around Assignment-whatever-number-for-whatever-module dates. How will I get used to this facet of life changing drastically?
In a way, I know it's a positive change. Like, for example, at the start of 2011, for the first time in 9-10 years, since I stepped on my own two feet independently of my father's wallet reach, I was able to think of something else but 'this money is going towards this set of fees and that set of textbooks'. That felt totally strange. It was like I was giving myself permission to do as I wished with my money but this felt so odd I had to second-guess myself time and again.
Sometimes, you're wired one way, and then when change happens, whether inevitable in the course of things, or unexpected, you have to change your very outlook. And that can be scary, you know... Take away the familiar and you're left with a void. Like me with my clear schedule of blocked days for Assignment-whatever-number-for-whatever-module post April 2011. What will I fit my time with...?
One thing's for sure - definitely not more studies! I just recently realised (yeah, call me daft!) that I've been studying for every single year ever since I stepped into a kindergarten at 4. That would make 24 years of continuous study. I value education most definitely, but hey, that's enough of studying! I need to start living too.
The problem? What exactly is living...?
You tell me...
From Mauritius with love,