Thursday, January 05, 2012

Link Thursday: The 15 Defining Moments in a Relationship

Hey beautiful people!

Link Thursday and its (somewhat relevant to you!) article is back. I dunno about you, but Thursday is one of my favourite days, because I get to share with you all some of what my trips around cyberspace look like. And I get to share with you information that I think might be helpful to you as a writer (come on, we all know we get ideas, yes, but then we gotta research and back these ideas, don't we?); or as a woman out there in the world, whether you're single, married, in a relationship, a mother, a friend... in short, a heroine in your own right. :)

So today's link is something that has intrigued me ever since I saw the post, and I thought it was highly relevant both to our own lives, and to those of the characters we pen in our romance novels.

Are there defining moments in a relationship? You know, when things suddenly look 'serious' and going toward a more definite direction...

Here's a list of 15 defining moments in every relationship. You might not have had all of them yet; you might not experience each and every one; you might have your own version of what makes a defining moment in your relationship.

I grabbed this from MSN Lifestyle, Your Life segment, a few days ago. You can access the link and check out the slideshow in its original form. The article is by Amy Spencer.


The 15 Defining Moments In A Relationship

By Amy Spencer

Your first kiss isn’t the only milestone you can enjoy. Take and step back to examine just where you are on the road of your relationship and take pleasure in all your firsts-- from fighting to murmuring those three little words.
First times come in many forms. But which of these great moments should you relish and remember and which ones are just you being mushy? In relationship world, we say they all count. Here’s our top 15.

1. First Talk

Your first talk till dawn
Astronomers say it takes just over eight minutes for light from the sun to reach the earth. And that's about how long it feels you've been talking, though it's been over eight hours. "My God, look at the time!" you both say, cursing the violet sky. But it's a good sign if all you want to do is talk for a few million more trips into space and back.

2. First Kiss

The first kiss
We know: Duh. But how could we not mention that Big Red moment? It's like no other feeling in the world.

3. Girlfriend?

When he introduces you as "my girlfriend"
It's so utterly high school that the title still straightens your spine. But how can it not? You're now officially pinned, picked, branded, wanted.

4. First Morning

The first morning after
Some guys you wouldn't share a beet salad with, let alone a whole night. "You want coffee?" he asks the next morning, tossing the duvet your way as he pads to the kitchen. Please, he's saying by the ease of his actions, stay.

5. I Love You?

Finding the nerve to say "I love you"
Jessica Simpson seems content to do so through national magazines. For the rest of us, though, the moment is fraught with anxiety: What if he stares at us blankly? What if we're saying it too soon, and…Sorry, what was that? You do? Oh, thank God.

6. First We

The first time you write "we" in an e-mail to your friends
And they don't write back, "We? Who the hell is we?"

7. First Fight

The first time you fight and make up
Let's be honest: If you never fight, someone's not speaking up. Consider it like an oil change: a healthy way to clean out gunk so you can get back to the joy ride.

8. First Trip

That first trip together
What better way to gauge how you'll fare on your journey through life than to see how you survive hours of snaking security lines? It's also when you establish who'll get the window seat for the duration of your relationship--so act fast, woman.

9. First Grocery Shop

The first time you grocery shop together
You know how his lips taste after a workout and a cold beer. You know to give him five minutes alone when he shakes his head in a "work sucked" kind of way. But to watch this man slip a family-size Fruit Loops into the basket with a dopey grin on his face--that's when you realize you still have worlds to learn about each other.

10. First Control

The first time he lets you control his car/remote/iPod
Seriously, you don’t know how hard it is for him to hand over something he worships so much. Not as much as he worships you, of course, but close. Scary close

11. The Future?

The moment you see a future with him
Some women could imagine having a future with the guys in a J. Crew catalog. But with the man you love, the future you see is sure-footed and sane: A foot rub after a long day. A laundry basket and a loving squeeze (though if he's folding, you really are dreaming).

12. First Notice

When you notice you are no longer primping for him
Whoops! You're sitting on the couch in your time-of-the-month undies. Yet he's looking at you more lovingly than when you're all gussied up. Clearly, my dear, this is the real deal.

13. First Doctor Visit

Going to the doctor together for the first time
Need reason number 652 to stay fit? Have a long sit in a waiting room for someone you love. You'll vow never to have to be there for something worse, because now you need to be healthy for each other.

14. Caring Together

When you care for something together
It doesn't really matter if it's a tomato garden or Rufus the drooling French bulldog. But when you're both responsible for taking care of another living thing, your pairing becomes much more important. Be proud as you watch it grow.

15. Your Commitment

When you commit--we're talking long-term commit--to each other
On the one hand, it feels a bit like picking partners in the schoolyard. ("You want me on your team? Really? Me too!") On the other, it's a watershed moment, when you find yourself so profoundly lucky that someone you adore so much feels exactly the same way about you.


I add my own Defining Moment here - Silence. The first time there's utter silence between you, & you don't feel the need to rush and fill it with words.
When you're alone for the first time (not on a date, say at your place or his), and what should've been an awkward moment is suddenly the most natural thing in the world, when the quiet is just another way you two are communicating. :)

What constitutes a defining relationship moment for you? Drop me a comment and let me know.

From Mauritius with love,



sue said...

I read this just before I went out this morning. I smacked myself on the head, repeatedly - duh I forgot the first kiss in my devil story - so I thought about it - came home with tons to do and wrote something anyway. I mean really? To forget characters’ first kiss.... thanks for the reminder
(it will be in your inbox)

Zee Monodee said...

Lol Sue! Hmm, let's just say that your hero is just so hot that it's not surprising to forget the first kiss :)

Got your email - will re in a few.


Cara Bristol said...

The first time you hold hands.

Although you alude to it in first notice, I would expand on that and say, the first time you let him see a flaw, when you stop trying to be your best, and you become who you are.

Zee Monodee said...

Cara, that is very true! This is such a vulnerable moment, and when it sails through, you feel like there's nothing in the world that you cannot meet head on :)