Thursday, July 08, 2010
Link Thursday: When writing the single heroine... What not to write/say
I came upon this article this morning during my browsing trek. Have to admit I'm guilty of some of these 'sins'. The last time I was single was ages ago and I might have lost touch with what it's like to be a single gal today.
But while some really do sound awful (the poor souls who heard these!), some really doesn't apply 100% of the time. Like, it happens when you're not looking. This did happen to me! I met my husband at, of all places, a religious ceremony, the kind of which generally put insomniacs to sleep. I really wasn't looking for a nice jeans-clad butt there!
Others are classics that go beyond borders and boundaries! Like, so why are you single? Uh, because I just got divorced? Watch people scamper faster than a bolt of lightning hitting their arse then!
The Mum-&-aunties' favourite - you're too picky. Really? Asking for a bloke who won't 'reject' the proposal of marrying me because I appeared in front of his mother that very first time in jeans and not a sari/kurti suit? That's being picky?
The best though - he's out there! (I've never said that to any of my single gals, thank goodness). Okay, so where is he? Hitchhiking his way around the galaxy?
And oh yes, don't forget - at every wedding, you're next, say the aunties and the uncles too. And you're only sixteen. Yikes!
Others, yup, guilty as charged (he just wasn't the right guy for you).
So take a look at this advice and find out whether you're guilty too. Your single friends and ultimately, your heroines who always start as single (desperate or not... Chick lit, anyone?) will thank you for it!
The original article appeared on the MSN Lifestyle webpage, written by Erin Meanley. You can find the full page here http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlematch.aspx?cp-documentid=24519920>1=32023
19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person
A Glamour dating blogger collected of 19 of the most-hated, tired and depressing clichés about being single. Read them, and swear never to use them on any of your single friends. Ever.
By Erin Meanley
As a writer, I avoid clichés like the plague … ha, ha! But seriously, clichés are old, tired, and they show absolutely no thought. I mean, do I make you read that some guy's skin was as white as snow? No. It's a major insult to your intellect. So when I have to hear a cliché or overused saying in the real world, as a response to my newly single status or some other dating dilemma, it's offensive and frustrating.
Why do we have so many sayings and maxims for dating? A single gal is likely to get slammed with them ad nauseam as soon as she expresses any unhappiness at her situation.
Since we could all use a good laugh, I asked some friends and Twitter followers to send in their most hated adages. I know you've heard them all before (obviously), but I just couldn't believe how many there were! Here's a tiny compilation. Enjoy — today, they're not directed at you!
1. It happens when you're not looking.
"This is just bull. Some people find people when they're looking; some don't. You're not doing anything wrong by going out and meeting people." —Beth
2. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
"I dated a guy whose last name was Fish. People just had a BLAST with that one." —Kelly
3. So, why are you single?
"I generally dislike this question. I mean honestly, if I knew why, I don't think I would be single right now, now would I?!" —Erica
4. You're too picky.
"This may be true, but it feels like I'm getting criticized for my taste, vision, and close-mindedness — when I'm already down." —Sarah
5. You'll find the right person for you.
6. He's out there.
7. It was just bad timing.
"Like it's so easy to dismiss a guy on such an emotionless and objective reason." —Taryn
8. Just have fun with it!
"Um, don't tell me how to date in my thirties when you got married at 24." —Maya
9. Have you tried online dating?
10. He just wasn't the right guy for you.
"I know! That's what I'm complaining about!" —Elisa
11. Well, when my boyfriend and I first got together…
"Wait, I still want to talk about me." —Elisa
12. When the time is right, you will meet someone.
13. Wow, I wish I were single and in your shoes!
"Really?! I'm pretty sure you CAN be single if you actually want to be. That there is an attainable dream, so if you aren't messing with me right now out of pity (which I suspect you are), please go for it!" —Kim
14. Your turn next [at weddings].
—Natlondon, via Twitter
15. It will happen when you least expect it.
—dlegas05, via Twitter
16. Some guy is going to come along and ruin your career/life plans.
"I am 32 and no one has ruined the last 10 years of plans." —frolicblog, via Twitter
17. But you're so pretty! Why don't you have a boyfriend?
"There's just no graceful way to answer that." —earnesteats, via Twitter
18. It just wasn't meant to be.
"Any of these platitudes are exponentially more annoying when coming from the mouths of smug marrieds." —Reberoodle, via Twitter
19. Sure, my guy rescues kids from abusive homes, donated my sister a kidney, and picks up fresh flowers for me daily on his way home from work, but will he QUIT IT with the sports on TV already?
"Single people just hate to be complained to about petty relationship stuff. If you do this, I'm not going to want to hang out with you. (In fact, maybe I'll call your boyfriend and ask him if he wants to grab a beer and watch the Yankees game?)" —Kim
Bottom line, if you're in a relationship or married and you don't have any specific, original advice or wisdom for your single friend—and you must use an established saying — we would prefer to hear neutral ones like, "This too shall pass" or "Take it one day at a time." They are so much more helpful and comforting — you have no idea!
Also of note: not one person I polled mentioned they were tired of hearing, "He's just not that into you." I think that's because it's not condescending. And apparently, it's not overused. So that one is still okay to say. For now.
From Mauritius with love,