Thursday, February 10, 2011

Link Thursday: Hidden Secrets His Hug Reveals

Hey peeps

Back into my usual posting mode today. So Link Thursday it is... I guess you know now that I've completed the ms I was working on (more on that tomorrow!). I admit I hit a stumbling hump when I had to 'do' the emotion bits in this one, especially closer to the end, when the romance takes centre-stage.The thing is - when you write romance, you have to show the love, the emotions, the connection. It's easy in a movie, you literally show it. How do you do so in a book? How do you showcase this connection, make it come alive, vibrant, live off those pages?

You 'show', you don't tell. I know we've heard that all the time! Now believe me when I tell you the following article is very good at helping you 'show' this love. Why? Because it's about how a man hugs his woman. Tiny gestures, that show difference, emotions, feelings...

As always, I'm a goner for articles that take the way humans work and use them to help us understand one another. None less so where writing is concerned, because this type of articles gives us a very good basis to use for our characters.

So, without further ado... The article is from my article bible: MSN Lifestyle, Love & Relationships section. It is written by Molly Triffin.


Hidden Secrets His Hug Reveals

The way your guy holds you close is tightly tied to his feelings for you. Use these tips to unlock the meaning behind his embrace.

By Molly Triffin

The Sneak Attack
He comes up behind you and puts his arms around your chest.

Even if he hasn't said the words yet, a guy who grabs you like this is in love. He's blanketing your body with his, your feet are intertwined, you're leaning into him. There's a real sense of oneness here. "By covering your back, he's conveying that he wants to shelter you," says body-language expert Patti Wood, author of Success Signals. "He's also flexing his masculinity — this displays his strength and dominance."

The one exception is if your man almost always hugs you from the back. "That might mean he craves a closer connection but thinks you're unavailable," says Christopher Blazina, Ph.D., author of The Secret Lives of Men. "He avoids hugging face-to-face because he's worried you're not into him."

The Rub
He gently strokes your back while holding you.

This affectionate gesture signifies that your guy cares deeply about you. "The back is a very vulnerable part of the body," Wood says. "You can't see your back, so being touched there can be startling." Softly rubbing you on such an exposed zone shows that he wants to nurture and protect you. But don't be surprised if his tender caresses soon turn into heavy petting. "Because rubbing has a sexual rhythm, this type of touch can turn him on," Blazina notes.

It's also possible that your man is upset and needs comforting (even if he doesn't verbally fess up to feeling sad). "Having one's back caressed is a soothing touch that people often instinctively crave when they're down," says Janine Driver, president of the Body Language Institute. "A man might rub your back because, unconsciously, that's what he's desiring." If you think he seems a bit off, give him plenty of TLC and ask him if everything's okay.

The Pat
He thumps your upper back during an embrace.

Okay, this hug is loaded. Let's start with the worst-case scenario: He's not into you. "This is how men hug their buddies; it's not romantic at all," Blazina says. "When a guy frequently embraces you like this, it means the relationship's not growing." For example, say your man or crush gives you this half-baked hug when you're out at a bar. He might be doing it to show other people that he is not fully committed to you and is still on the market. Should he dole out The Pat when you're alone, he is probably not feeling a spark any more or is mad at you.

Wait — don't freak out yet! According to Blazina, if The Pat only happens once in a while, rather than on a regular basis, it's not a red flag. And there are a few other reasons behind it: (1) If he thumps you when you're about to do something scary, such as give a wedding speech, that's a gesture of encouragement (like the way coaches pat players on the back). (2) If you're in public, it could simply mean he isn't into PDA and wants to keep things casual. (3) If your man is preoccupied — on his iPhone, watching TV — don't take it personally. His mind is temporarily elsewhere.

The Waist Wrap
He encircles your lower back with his hands and pulls you tightly toward him.

Hubba hubba! The dude wants you. "A pelvis-to-pelvis embrace shows he'd like to merge with you sexually," Wood says. The farther down your body his hands travel, the more fired up he is.

There's one last thing to take note of: Does he touch his head to yours? "Then he wants to merge his thoughts with yours as well," Wood adds. Translation: If it's a new relationship, you're more than a fling to him. If you've been together for a while, he's ready to get more emotionally and mentally intimate ... after you head to the bedroom, that is.


From Mauritius with love,



Trish said...

Thanks for posting this Z. I love these kind of non-verbal cues. I have an article book marked somewhere on all sorts of non-verbal cues that men give off.

Something as simple as they way they stand can speak tons.

Zee Monodee said...

Very true, Trish! Non verbal cues are so important - the devil is in the details!