Thursday, October 06, 2011

Link Thursday: Why He Hasn't Proposed Yet - Commitment Issues Men Run Into

Hello beautiful people

*wringing hands with glee* A hero with commitment issues... Sounds like most of the romance books descriptions out there, innit? You run into the same old, same old conflicts (burned by an old flame, won't give up independence, that sort of thing).

Want to keep your story, and your hero's conflict, fresh? Then take a look at this article down here. It lists some more reasons why some men are reluctant to commit and tie the knot.

And for all you single ladies out there - or even those waiting for a proposal - here's some insight into that elusive creature called 'Man'.

The article is from MSN Lifestyle, Love & Relationships, and is written by Brenda Della Casa. You can access the slideshow online here.


Why He Hasn't Proposed (Yet)

Think every man who doesn't propose is afraid to commit? Don't be so sure. Read on for eight very real reasons even a man in love might not pop the question.

by Brenda Della Casa

His Parents' Marriage Didn't Make It

Our parents' relationship offers us our first glimpse of the pros and cons of marriage, so if his mom and dad communicated best through lawyers, saying "I do" might be a huge don't. "I know a few guys who remember their parents' relationship as being full of poison, and the idea of marriage brings up the pain they felt when their parents divorced," says Steve, 31, of Boston. "So instead of proposing to the women they loved, they broke things off when it got to that point in their relationships."

Many men place the same emphasis on their career as some women do on their relationship status, which means that unless he's made a name for himself at the office, he likely won't be asking you to take his. Lisa Daily, author of How to Date Like a Grown-Up, says, "Most men want to have all their ducks in a row before proposing — they want to feel secure about their career prospects and financial situation before taking on a wife."

Just as you want to enjoy the excitement of something new and mysterious, so do men. "A lot of guys realize they are going to live to be 80, which means they will have to deal with the same person for 50 to 55 years," says Dave, 32, of Chicago. "And unless there's an effort to keep things exciting, that can get monotonous."

He's Turned Off by Weddings

"A lot of men think the whole wedding industry makes a mockery of marriage, and they get really turned off by how obsessed women get with it," says Harold, 34, from Chicago. "It's really unattractive when a woman you love freaks out about napkins, and it makes a lot of men wonder why women are so into getting married. Is it the diamond and the party or him?"

He's Not Ready to Be a Dad

Mark, 33, from Sacramento, California, says his uncertainty about wanting kids at all is keeping him from popping the question. "I don't know if I want to have children, and I don't want to make a life-long commitment until I know where I stand," he says.

He's Not Done Sowing His Wild Oats

You might be The One, but some guys have a hard time letting go of the possibility of being with other women. "The most common thing I hear around marriage from men is, 'If I get married, this will be the last woman I ever sleep with,'" says Daily.

He's Afraid He'll Have to Give Up His Dreams

"The thing that stands out for me is the fear of settling down and forgoing my dreams," says Eric, 27, of Ann Arbor, Michigan. "I saw my guy friends get married, immediately buy a house, have kids and eventually let go of their dreams. I feel that I still want to pursue my career goals, have adventures and be able to make last-minute decisions without informing someone. I'll propose when I get that out of my system … or meet a girl willing to work with me on that."

He Can't Afford the Ring

"My girlfriend wants at least a one-carat ring. I'm starting to find out that my new career paths are not likely to make me a great deal of money, and that aggravates my worries that she will not want to stick around for life," says Frank*, 32, of Los Angeles.
*Name has been changed

He's Afraid Marriage Will Change You

"A lot of guys hear that a woman will change once she gets married and that the happiness and mystery you enjoyed in the marriage goes away when the honeymoon is over," says Steve, 33, of Charlotte, North Carolina. "When you think about that and combine it with the idea that you no longer have an easy out if it goes sour, it can be a deterrent."


From Mauritius with love,



M.J. Kane said...

Timely as always Chica! One of my male characters has an issue with his parents divorcing and his mom struggling to raise 4 boys alone. He's sowing his wild oats until the day he meets the one unlikely woman he wants....only to find out she has kids. It promises to be a great read and fun to write!

Unknown said...

MJ that is so on the money! Zee, like Mighty Mouse you came to save the day :). Loved this one - great GMC ideas for those difficult heroes :D

Zee Monodee said...

MJ - that sounds like a rolling good story! Hmm, I think I ahve a sixth sense... No? That's "voices in my head", not intuition...? Okay...

Can't wait to read that one, girl! XOXO

Zee Monodee said...

Lol Angela! Mighty Mouse - I like that nickname (better than Ms. Airhead, as my kids name me...) *grin* XOXO

Anonymous said...

Great article. I cringed when I read it though. Four of these points are why I didn't want to get married.

Eight years of being married and I only struggle with one point, not four. :) Improvement and progress!

Zee Monodee said...

That is so weird - I replied Mirriam's comment this morning but it doesn't show up! Gotta check what's up with that...