Thursday, March 29, 2012

Link Thursday: 1000 Things You Don't Know About Women (Part 1)

Hey beautiful people!

A quick one today, because I'm hoping my Internet will cooperate. Yes, it is still acting up, no thanks to the torrential rains we've been having this week.

So, there's actually a thousand items on this list, and of course, cannot post them all right here, right now. What I'm doing is breaking the list into parts, that I'll post up every Thursday. 50 pieces every week - how does that sound?

Of course, you can bypass me and go read the full list on the Esquire.com site already. :) But I hope you'll be back each week to check out the list as it goes up here.

Without further blabbing, here we go!

*****

1,000 Things You Don't Know About Women

We asked the women in our lives to share their secrets about sex, relationships, and what we've been doing wrong (and right) all these years. Four months after our special issue devoted to women — and with continuing help from you on Twitter — we've reached a thousand pieces of wisdom. Hope they help.


No. 185: "Business casual": Easy for you, but bewildering for us.—Amy Keller, 27, Chicago

No. 218: What makes our skin crawl: cell phone holsters, crocs (really?), and when you leave your stupid bluetooth earpiece in 24/7. —Kelly Greene, 35, San Diego

No. 252: We know it's high maintenance, but, for the love of God, don't sleep on the decorative pillows.—Name Withheld, Portland, Oregon

No. 279: We love hearing about your family. Even when it's boring, it's good to know you think about them.—Alessia Viscomi, 21, Newton, Massachusetts

No. 989: We appreciate when you keep your condoms within close reach from the bed so we don't spend ten minutes waiting naked while you search the other end of the apartment. —Sarah Knowles, 29, Brooklyn

No. 944: We kind of wish we could chest-bump, too.—Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 964: Sometimes we want to be treated like a princess. Sometimes, we want to be treated like a sex object. It's up to you to figure out which of these we want to be at any given moment, because we certainly aren't going to tell you. —Julianna Mendelsohn, 29, Chicago

No. 896: Not all of us envy the whole peeing-while-standing thing. Seems messy.—Nicole Lee, 31, San Francisco

No. 850: If you meet us at a bar, please don't say, "I'd like to see you without your glasses." We could go blind, you know. —Amanda Bullock, 26, Detroit

No. 824: Be careful: singing to us can be totally cute. But only if you can actually sing.—Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 798: When we say "He was so great in the delivery room!" we are actually just happy that you didn't faint, gag or run screaming out the door.—Beth Malonoski, 34, Norristown, Pennsylvania

No. 726: We will be jealous of any picture of you and another girl on Facebook. It doesn't matter who she is.—Mallory Farmer, 23, Boston

No. 628: We think saying "ladies" at the end of any statement or question makes it kind of creepy. —Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 582: If we make it through an entire first date without seeing what color your iPhone case is, well, we just might fall in love.—Dina Sanchez, 29, Brooklyn

No. 340: If that piece of clothing does indeed make us look fat, simply say, "It's nice, but you don't look comfortable in it." Most of the time, it's true.—Nicole Lee, 31, San Francisco

No. 361: You cleaning your apartment is somehow incredibly sexy. Weird but true.—Amy Keller, 27, Chicago

No. 313: It's cute when you don't quite know how to dress, so long as your not knowing doesn't involve jean shorts or a fanny pack. We can only handle so much eyestrain.—Cassie Rodenberg, 22, Charleston, South Carolina

No. 155: It doesn't matter what your chosen profession is, as long as you love what you do and do it with passion, and it's legal and it doesn't involve being in a production of the Lord of the Dance.—Beth Malonoski, 34, Norristown, Pennsylvania

No. 396: We like it when you lend your favorite books to us. For several reasons.—Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 460: You'll lose points every time you use the word "pussy."—Katie Knies, 22, North Salem, New York

No. 505: When we ask you how we look, you lose points every time you answer with "fine."—Dani Ruiz, 21, Encinitas, California

No. 563: Some of us wouldn't mind if you bought us a good lap dance every once in a while. Just saying.—Dina Sanchez, 29, Brooklyn

No. 838: It's not that we like the flowers themselves, it's that the flowers mean you're thinking about us. And we love that. —Sherri Pitts, 43, Chino Hills, California

No. 763: When we run into an ex, we always play "Who Won?" And in our minds, we always won.—Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 870: We do want romance, but we don't want you to do these things because we intstruct you to. We want you to come by them naturally. —Julianna Mendelsohn, 29, Chicago

No. 925: We love it when you're in the mood, but we don't love it when you grind up against us while we brush our teeth.—Amy Keller, 27, Chicago

No. 972: We get to pick the baby's name. And it's not going to be your mother's maiden name. McCullen is a terrible name for a baby.—Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 790: Even the slightest idea of fashion can be very attractive. —Kourtney Cole, 22, Chino Hills, California

No. 748: We don't actually wear matching bras and panties all the time. Shocking, we know.—Nicole Lee, 31, San Francisco

No. 349: Hair starts growing in funny places when we turn fifty. Not much we can do about it. —Marie Mackler, 58, Takoma Park, Maryland

No. 973: The most important error most of you make when trying to figure us out is in thinking of us as mysterious, unknowable creatures who adhere to some cabalistic set of Girl Rules.—Anne Harding, 23, Wilmington, Delaware

No. 756: If you want your beer to be cold all the time, get a mini-fridge; don't let it take up too much room in our fridge. Unless you're chilling it for us. —Juliet Garlow, 20, Silver Spring, Maryland.

No. 535: We prefer an arm around us to holding hands pretty much any day. —Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 837: Shoes always fit. Hence our perpetually full closets. —Sydney Hayes, 19, San Diego

No. 265: The following posters on your wall are deal-breakers: Bob Marley playing soccer, Bob Marley exhaling, Bob Marley in green, yellow and/or red. Exemplars of the chill-bro variety are reserved, exclusively, for unwashed undergrads.—Eve Gleichman, 21, New York.

No. 125: It's okay for you to drink rosé. We know it's good.—Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 546: These days, with Facebook, chances are we know your favorite band well before our first drink with you. Something to keep in mind.—Robin Carol, 21, Eugene, Oregon

No. 673: Even we know this: The craziest girls are the ones who seem the most normal at first.—Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 737: Surprise field trips are the best, even if it's "guy stuff." If we roll our eyes, it doesn't mean we don't love the effort. —Amy Keller, 27, Chicago

No. 699: We say we love scary movies so we can cuddle up to you. —Alessia Viscomi, 21, Newton, Massachusetts

No. 595: Just because a model wore super-skinny jeans with pointy leather shoes and a plaid blazer doesn't mean that the ensemble is appropriate date attire for you. —Kellie Chung, 23, Boston

No. 880: If you call the movies "the cinema," we will only laugh. And laugh.—Dina Sanchez, 29, Brooklyn

No. 816: Seventy-five percent of the sounds we make during sex are purely for you. That's how much we care. —Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 914: Even if we're cool with your telling us a girl is hot, remember who you're coming home to. —Kourtney Cole, 22, Chino Hills, California

No. 859: We still like being asked on a proper date. —Robin Carol, 21, Eugene

No. 821: Even if we look sad, don't tell us that we look depressed.—Katie Knies, 22, North Salem, New York

No. 577: You should definitely buy us a drink. But know that it doesn't guarantee we'll stick around all night. —Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose California

No. 533: We agonize over text messages. For instance, a one-word response means you're not interested. Right?—Katie Knies, 22, North Salem, New York

No. 485: Though it might sound like it, Kegel exercises are not a military maneuver. —Marie Mackler, 58, Takoma Park, Maryland

No. 433: We think the clean-laundry smell of you in your undershirt is a thousand times more appealing than even the best cologne.—Dina Sanchez, 29, Brooklyn

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

2 comments:

Sara Walter Ellwood / Cera duBois said...

LOL... Some of these are really funny...

Zee Monodee said...

Yup, Sara! I was LOL half the time while browsing this list :)

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