Thursday, October 21, 2010

Link Thursday: Field Guide To Guys

Which one of you readers and writers ever hoped men came with a translation manual? Look no further - the Field Guide to Guys takes you on an almost scientific and anthropological trip where you'll find all the different types populating the big, mad world out there!

Enjoy - this is a great one for penning heroes, zeroes, and all the different types you can hope to people your writings with!

The article is taken from MSN Lifestyle, Relationships section, accessed around February 20, 2010.The authors and Josh Aiello and Genevieve Roth.

*Big grin*

******

Your Field Guide to Guys

For any woman who's ever wished that men came with signs on their backs explaining how to date, mate and relate to them, we present the 17 types you might meet out there in the wild.

By Josh Aiello and Genevieve Roth

1. The Sexy Foreigner

Plumage: He's totally hot, from his great hair to his you-can't-tell-if-they've-ever-been-washed tight jeans. If he smokes (likely), he owns a Zippo.

Mating Habits: Attracts females via his impossibly sexy accent and the ability to transform out-of-date machismo into charming banter.

Field Notes: You could grow tired of the SF's Vespa and chest hair. But he makes you feel like a lady, drives exes mad with jealousy, and delivers capital-R romance. If he's not a cad, just say oui.

2. The Hobbyist

Plumage: More identifiable by his hobby than his physical appearance, this guy inspires your girlfriends to refer to him as the Wine Dude, the Beekeeper, the Racquetballer, etc.

Behavior: He's incredibly loyal, friendly and talkative, though most of his anecdotes will appeal only to fellow hobbyists. To you, it may sound like he's speaking another language.

Field Notes: You have two choices here: Familiarize yourself with his passion and join in the cork-sniffing fun, or give the guy loads of space and time (maybe even a wall on which to display his trophies) and cultivate your own obsessive pastime.

3. The Coffee Shop Intellectual

Plumage: His attire is mostly composed of black, and he has the rare ability to wear tight jeans without looking ridiculous. "I think every guy should own a pair of skinny black jeans and boots," says actor Sebastian Stan, pictured above. "When I showed up for the photo shoot, I had been wearing mine for like two days."

Behavior: He knows how to have fun, but big groups scare him. "Karaoke bars are up on the list of places I like to hang out. I really like going out with just my closest friends."

Mating Habits: He dislikes anyone — man or woman — who is fake. "Pretention is a huge turnoff," says Stan. "There's nothing more amazing than if you're lucky enough to be with someone who can inspire you. It's that, mixed with passion."

Field Notes: The CSI wants a woman who is comfortable (a) with herself — that's sexy — and (b) letting him be who he is, whoever that may be at the moment. "I'm a completely different person than I was four years ago," says Stan. "I try to meld with the times and stay open to new ideas."

4. The Workaholic

Plumage: His wardrobe costs more than yours.

Behavior: He asserts his manhood through a maniacal desire to make money. Works a 90-hour week and probably uses his BlackBerry on the john.

Mating Habits: Courts you by buying you jewelry no sane woman would refuse.

Field Notes: It can be hard to tell whether there's a real guy behind the money clip, so here's a litmus test: If he sleeps on an Aerobed without complaint at your parents' home, he's legit. If, on the other hand, he wakes up cranky and checks into a hotel, he's not The One.

5. The Pickup Artist

Plumage: First you're impressed by his fashion sense and perfect hair. Then you notice the shark tooth necklace and … is that a manicure?! Red flag!

Mating Habits: He's a disciple of pick-up manuals like The Game, and prepares for a date like a general plotting a battle.

Field Notes: Remember that, to him, dating is sport. You're like Mount Everest in heels, a test of his manhood. To win him over for real, you'll have to be his equal. Beat him at his own game and call him out on his tactics. (Unless, of course, all you want is no-strings-attached fun. That's fine too.)

6. The Surfer Boy

Plumage: With a glow like the last day of summer vacation, the Surfer Boy is one of nature's great gifts to women. His sun-bleached hair, perfect body squeezed into a vintage tee, and ability to walk barefoot are, at times, awe-inspiring.

Behavior: He overuses the words rad and gnarly. He shies away from anything resembling an actual job. He spends half the year in Tahiti … or something. But seriously: Have you seen this guy?

Field Notes: The Surfer Boy might not be husband material, but he's super positive and fun. A few flirtatious months together can be a life-affirmingly carefree experience.

7. The Man You Thought Was Gay

Behavior: This thoughtful and caring guy is always there to listen and is game for a quick detour into Bloomingdale's. You assume he's into men — all the good ones are.

Mating Habits: He's the most nonthreatening male you've ever encountered, but just as you're starting to open up to him, something's off. Wait, is his hand on your thigh?

Field Notes: TMYTWG has no idea you think he's gay. So keep an open mind — he could be the greatest boyfriend of all time. Still worried? Here's a tip: Ask about his dating history. Ambiguous, pronoun-free statements like "there once was this person I dated" are not good.

8. The Cowboy

Behavior: The Cowboy builds muscle roping steer, hitting the gym and doing physically intensive weekend projects. He's proud and traditional, and can wear a belt buckle like nobody's business. Note: Do not confuse him with the Suburban Cowboy, who, despite having never actually ridden a horse, dresses the part and enjoys grilling meat and yelling at the TV. Avoid.

Mating Habits: Rest assured, ladies, his rugged individualism extends to the bedroom.

Field Notes: He may not be quick to share his emotions, but the Cowboy is an all-around good dude with a lot of love to give. Giddyup!

9. The Life Coach

Behavior: Like Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady, the Life Coach makes it his personal mission to "improve" the woman he's dating.

Mating Habits: He prefers young and impressionable women, and he takes a mate under his wing using a mixture of hints, tips and passive-aggressive suggestions. Whatever you're doing, this guy knows a much better way to do it.

Field Notes: The Life Coach may seem sophisticated (he might even remind you of that college professor you always had a thing for), but the bottom line is that this dude feeds off controlling you. You're too good for that!

10. The Man-Child

Plumage: Anything comfortable and bright. "I tend to stick to T-shirts and jeans," says rapper and singer Kid Cudi, a child at heart. "Oh, and my Surface To Air leather jacket is the favorite thing I own. I love that jacket, and if anything ever happened to it, I'd be really hurt."

Behavior: He is happy spending the night with his video games. Really. "I've got an Xbox and I've got a Wii and I've got a PlayStation 3."

Mating Habits: The Man-Child is looking for someone who is as confident with who she is as he is with himself. "I love a girl who is true to herself. If you're not a girl that wears heels, then don't wear heels."

Field Notes: To be with this guy, you have to know how to have fun. "The first thing that attracts me is personality," says Cudi. "I'm a silly dude, and I love to crack jokes …. I want somebody who can hang with that. If I spit out a joke, I want somebody who bounces right back and spits out a joke at me."

11. The Undercover Hottie

Plumage: He's like Mr. Invisible: You wouldn't glance twice at him in the supermarket, couldn't pick him out of a police lineup, might not even notice him if he worked in the next cubicle …

Mating Habits: … and yet, despite appearances, the UH routinely attracts women way out of his league, leading to the intriguing conclusion that there must be something great about this guy.

Field Notes: He's a highly prized species, so if you spot him, pounce! (Many women report meeting the UH on a blind date.) He may not be tall, he may not have all of his hair, but this cool, funny guy will check off every other box on your list, in bed and out.

12. The Passionista

Plumage: Whatever he's doing, the Passionista dresses the part. His gear is always first-rate, and he always looks great, whether he's hunting big game or attending the opera.

Behavior: His joie de vivre is enthralling … and exhausting. He's into extreme sports, fine food, great wine, high culture. He's never tired, can hold his liquor, and is up for anything, anytime.

Mating Habits: This type's exploits aren't designed to attract women, but who can resist a guy whose desktop image shows him BASE jumping inside the Grand Canyon?

Field Notes: His zest for life may overwhelm you, but the Passionista is downright magnetic. And the bedroom prowess? Ridiculous.

13. Mr. Right

Plumage: He has no set look, dress, body type or style. Mr. Right can take on the form of any man, so attempt to stay at least a little open-minded.

Behavior: Startling truth: For all of Mr. Right's life, he may have been in one of the previous categories. To everyone else in the world, he may still be.

Mating Habits: He has no act, no game. He calls when he says he will, focuses on your needs in bed and is basically the coolest, nicest person you've ever met.

Field Notes: The most elusive of men, Mr. Right is difficult to locate but well worth the effort. Many women settle before finding him, so go out with your friends, be yourself and he will appear. Mazel tov.

14. Mr. Jealous

Behavior: At first, Mr. Jealous comes off as normal, attractive and well-groomed. You can't believe this guy isn't married! But eventually certain traits that seemed cute at first (he calls you every five minutes) start feeling … weird.

Field Notes: Mr. Jealous dates women like the CIA monitors terrorist activity! He casts a net of surveillance, grows suspicious of any male you encounter and is known to hack into your e-mail. Your relationship will devolve into a constant effort to prove you aren't doing anything wrong, until you finally dump him.

15. The Sensitive Rocker

Plumage: His wardrobe has been culled from the finest Goodwill stores around the country. And yet he wears $300 retro sneakers. Has been spotted wearing a leather jacket in July.

Behavior: Sweet and introspective, this guy can pick up more chicks than a high school quarterback in Texas. (And he sings!)

Field Notes: The very sensitivity you love him for can make him a bit … touchy. Major warning: If he's an actual singer, like one who goes on tour, you heard it here: Groupies are real.

16. Mr. Selective Memory

Behavior: So nice, so charming, so perfect. Oh, but he forgot to mention his girlfriend. Or that, you know, he's about to move to Alaska for work.

Habitat: Mr. Selective Memory can be found anywhere — at the office, at school, sipping green tea at the coffee shop — which is what makes him such a dangerous species of dude.

Field Notes: He might seem OK at first, but dating Mr. Selective Memory will only lead to heartache. At the first sign he's not being totally honest with you, run!

17. The Prepster

Plumage: Even this guy's casual is a bit dressy, and he knows how — and when — to rock a suit." I'm a jeans and T-shirt kind of guy," says Matt Bomer, actor on USA's White Collar. "But for a nice social function, I like to make an effort. It shows people that you give a damn."

Mating Habits: Good manners are a huge turn-on. "Anybody who is rude to anyone in the service industry is automatically out."

Field Notes: The prepster loves high-end hobbies, a full bookshelf and someone who can challenge him intellectually. "I like strong opinions — I'll take that any day over someone who agrees with everything."

******

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

7 comments:

Chicki said...

I'm trying to figure out where Marcus fits in here. From what I know about him, I guess he's a combination of the Surfer Boy, the Hobbyist and the Passionista. He's not going to be easy to write ...

Rebecca Royce said...

Z--
This is incredibly well done. I'm trying to figure out where hubby would have fit in here when I met him. I think it might be coffee shop then. He's quite different now.

I think this was utterly fantastic.

Rebecca

Sheri Fredricks said...

Great post! This one is worth saving in anyone's character file.

Zee Monodee said...

Hey Chicki

Lol, a daunting combination indeed! I think you'll have fun writing him though, because *ahem* he'll be easy to, uh, imagine... :)

Hugs!

Zee Monodee said...

Thanks Rebecca! Yup, this one was very detailed and interesting. I wonder how I missed it when scouring through my links folder in the past.

Hmm, I think mine would've fit the Coffee Shop Intellectual, with a ouch of the Undercover Hottie, and then all in all he morphed into Mr. Right! :)

Hugs, & thanks for driving by!

Zee Monodee said...

Sheri,

I thought this list was priceless! Great for creating heroes... and zeroes too, lol!

Hugs

Penelope said...

Thanks Zee - entertaining and informative.
I think I dated most of those guys, but I married the UH, who is my Mr. Right. :)

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