Thursday, December 16, 2010

Link Thursday: 10 Rules That Only Apply On Screen

Something funny today! I was browsing the Links' folder and stumbled upon this one. It's actually a gallery/slideshow on the Cosmopolitan Australia site but I thought I'd list these 'rules' here and maybe try to add some more. There's my little quips in the brackets, btw...)

Here goes! :)


10 Rules That Only Apply On Screen

... and not in reality!

1. It’s possible to have sex in a swimming pool, cry or have a cocktail thrown in your face without your makeup budging an inch.
(and no, waterproof makeup is not that waterproof!)

2. If your lift breaks down, a hot, shirtless man will climb in through the roof and hand you a cold drink before rescuing you.
(heck, it doesn't get this good in dreams!!)

3. The smaller the town, the greater the number of cute men. At some point, two of them will have a fight over you in the street.
(uh...guilty writers, put your hands up. How many of us apply this rule to our small towns in our books? *sheepish grin*)

4. All weddings involve someone swooping in to halt the ceremony, one of the guests finding their soul mate and/or a punch-up.
(4 Weddings and A Funeral, anyone...?)

5. It’s impossible to decorate without a paint smudge on one cheek, a play fight with a sexy neighbour and an indoor picnic.
(And no one gets intoxicated by the toxic paint fumes!)

6. Your mobile will only ever run out of battery if you happen to be kidnapped and are desperately trying to call for help.
(Chargers and that annoying low battery reminder don't exist on screen, apparently...)

7. Even if you’re a waitress on minimum wage, you go shopping mid-afternoon and can still afford a huge luxury flat.
(Ahem... this applies to the penniless, struggling writer too there...)

8. Boring chores such as dusting, vacuuming, washing –up, and cleaning the oven strangely don’t exist.
(My dream home. I soooo wish...)

9. If you break up with a guy, you can spend weeks scoffing tubs of ice-cream and huge pizzas – and still fit into your clothes.
(And where do you have the money for such grocery shopping in the first place? Everyone knows Haagen-Dasz and pizza delivery add up to a hefty amount.)

10. The male friend you’ve never fancied but who’s always there for you- and not gay – is really the love of your life.


My personal favourites are not in this list though. I'll add them up here:

11. A gal can have relationships with all the men in one family and no one will bat an eyelash. (Brooke on The Bold and The Beautiful. Technically a soapie, but screen anyhow. And yes, everyone gathers at Christmas and weddings and all is well in the best of worlds...)

12. Girls wake up with a perfect salon blow-dry and department-store-counter makeup every single morning.

13. Nobody has bad breath. Or snores.

14. Clothes always come from Bendel and the likes, and jewellery is almost always Harry Winston diamonds (Gossip Girl and major soapies)

Can you think of some more? List them up in a comment for me. :)

Hope you had a laugh. I needed one...

From Mauritius with love,



Brenda said...

I don't have one to add to the list, but I have to say that I laughed so hard my mascara ran into my eyes which stung like a
If I think of one to add I'll stop back

Zee Monodee said...

Oops, Brenda! Sorry for the mascara. :)


J Hali Steele said...

Oh, Zee--LOVED IT! Hmmm...when the bank gets robbed, bullets are whizzing around--no one gets shot! I like that one. Lots of morning sex is okay--the boss doesn't mind that you're late! (I got written up, lmao!!) The airplane is going down--there's always someone onboard who knows how to fly it! You know what? This all happens in books too--*really laughing*

Sheri Fredricks said...

I've got one *raises hand*: The cowboy who's been slinging sh*t all day, trompin' thru manure & muck, and stacking hay bales doesn't stink of B.O. and never has poop on the bottom of those rather new looking roach-killer $800 ostrich-skin boots.

Chicki Brown said...

Everyone is good looking -- even the villain.

Zee Monodee said...

Lol J! Maybe, just maybe, Jack Bauer is on that plane going down. The man can fly anything, apparently!! :)

Bullets - Wyatt Earp syndrome. No bullet could get to him, if the story were to be believed.

And yes too - no boss has problem with being late because of morning sex (that's primarily on soaps!!)

Thanks for those, girl! Hugs

Zee Monodee said...

Good one, Sheri! Odor, unless it is perfume, doesn't seem to exist on screen!
Just imagine on Grey's Anatomy or ER - hospitals stink of medicine and cleaning/disninfectant stuff!

Oh, maybe they wear super-duper antiperspirant deodorants... :)

Zee Monodee said...

Yup, Chicki - everyone is good-looking. And no man has body hair!

Unknown said...

I got a couple...

1. After a long ride in a snazzy, sexy convertible, they always have salon perfect hair (except Bridget Jones after the ride with Hugh Grant).

2. In action movies with aging actors such as sean Connery, Stephen Seagal and Clint Eastwood - they're always getting the young, barely-legal-looking cute girls (oftentimes, Asian) who throw themselves at their feet. Well, I understand this if it's Sean Connery...but heck, Seagal runs like a girl (ever caught him doing that?) and Eastwood has a chest that looks like old beef jerky with fuzz on it.

Zee, your blog had me in stitches!

Zee Monodee said...

Lol Angela! Your comments/list had ME in stitches!

Exactly - hair never, ever, needs a hairdresser or all those gadgets we need to use to make it behave! Though yes, Bridget Jones broke that rule! :)

And eek on Seagal - I watch his movies and they're all like inflated with hot air (via dialogue) and totally disappointing. Sigh.

Oh yes, Sean Connery - totally understand. That man just got sexier with the years!

Hugs girl!